Chew Would Not
Believe It!
Cannibalism is
set to become a part of everyday Scottish life if the country votes to separate
from the rest of the United Kingdom, writes our Scotland Correspondent Alan
Cockrant.
A shocking new
report has claimed that with incomes likely to plummet and fresh food becoming
scarce, Scots may have to resort to eating one another to survive!
The experts warn
that a return to the days of Sawney Bean could become a reality if
Scotland votes for the SNP's flagship policy of independence. Bean, a macabre
figure who headed a notorious clan of Galloway cannibals, was thought to be
responsible for the murder and consumption of more than 1000 innocent Scots in
the 15th and 16th century.
Thankfully, the grisly practice died out when Scotland joined
England in the 1707 Act of Union which created Great Britain.
The report, which has not been made public by Alex Salmond's
government, warns of catastrophic food shortages, crop failures, the total
collapse of international trade and communications, leading to mass starvation
in places like Scotland.
And with the obliteration of the food chain, it is likely
that Scots will be forced to resort to cannibalism. Asked to respond to the
report's finding, a Scottish Government spokesman declined to comment.
And no
wonder: the SNP don't want you to know that "inviting Granny round
for tea" might take on a sinister new meaning in an independent
Scotland!
Scots Are
Stupid!
Don’t take our
word for it, take theirs!
A new survey of attitudes has discovered that a
percentage of people in the south of England think the Scots would be daft to
vote for independence.
Almost 100
people were quizzed about their attitudes to Scotland separating from the rest
of the UK and being cast adrift from Britain. Nearly EIGHT per cent agreed with
the statement that: "Scots would be stupid to vote for the SNP's flagship
policy of independence.”
Scotland has
always prided herself on her excellent education system which has allowed Scots
to lead the world in science, commerce and art. Now it seams all that is under
threat as Scots face being termed "thick" for choosing to back
independence.
A Scottish
Government spokesman declined to comment on the survey and deny that Scots
would be labelled as "stupid".
It seems that
Alex Salmond's administration would rather it is not just his party which is
regarded as idiotic, but the rest of Scotland too!
The SNP thinks Britain is rubbish!
Scotland’s 100%
Rejection of Independence!
It's true! The
entire population of Scotland is turning its back on the SNP's flagship policy
of separating Scotland from the Union.
It is the people
of Scotland, Wyoming, who are the latest to have dealt a body blow to Alex
Salmond's madcap plans. When asked, members of the 44-strong settlement which
lies in the shadow of Cloud Peak, rejected the idea of separation for Scotland.
This might be small town America but they have a BIG message for the SNP: we
reject you!
Hiram McCluckey,
owner of Birds and Bullets Game Store told us: "You just have to look at
the place. There's no way it could be independent. Scotland relies on the help
and handouts it gets from the government. Scotland would be finished without
them." Another concerned resident, the Reverend Hamish N'cube, revealed
that concerned parishioners had bombarded him with questions about Scotland's
future. Visibly shaking, the minister denounced any plans for independence for
Scotland as "the work of Satan" and likely to deliver his people into
"an infernal, eternal Hell".
Other members of
the community refused to comment on the plans for independence for Scotland, as
did a Scottish Government spokeswoman, who said she was unaware of the survey.
So it seems that
far from having their heads in the clouds, the people of Scotland are talking
sense!
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